Monday, September 3, 2012

I wasn't even invited!

I want to preface this post with a little information.  I have typically kept my posts just about the babies and me and Tony and haven't talked about anyone else but I've decided to throw caution to the wind and get this rant out.  I'll find out later on if any of T's family reads this (and likely this post will be hidden).

This story actually starts a long time ago, but escalated around the time of the babies baptism.  When choosing God parents for the babies, the plan was to use my sisters and Val and T's three brothers.  End of story, easy.  Or so I thought.  My one sister lives in Cleveland and has two kids under 4, and wasn't planning on attending - which I understood.  T, on the other hand, counted her out as a GP and decided to ask his SIL.  After learning that the church did not require the appointed GP to be present, I assumed my sister was back in the picture - but here's where we all recite the phrase that is so true about what happens when you assume - you make an ASS out of U and ME.  Well in this case, only me.  I came home from work one afternoon being told that I needed to apologize to the SIL because I hurt her feelings after being told that we weren't going to need her to be a GP.  I of course did not see her reaction to this, but from what has happened since then, you would think I killed her dog in front of her.  I never did apologize as I didn't think I had done anything wrong, but I did have a discussion with her as to why I wanted my own sister included.  In the end, I lost (another long story there) and tearfully begged her to be the GP against my own wishes.  My MIL got involved in the situation and she said something that I will NEVER forget.  She said - "you have to learn where your bread is buttered" which to me means that all of their generosity in the past has come with a price and you never know when they'll call to collect.

Since the end of May and that whole situation, I really haven't spoken to my SIL.  I guess we're both stubborn people - I know I am, and didn't want to be the first one to break the silence.  I didn't have much to lose if anything from maintaining the silence.  What I have not mentioned yet is that SIL is pregnant with a girl.  She has an older son, but from previous conversations (prior to the baptism) she acted like she wanted all of my girl clothes or other girl/baby items.  I was given so many things from my family, I felt it only right to pass these things along - even though I didn't get a single hand me down from her.  She was the one that said after she found out we bought something - oh you should have asked me, I had a xx (insert baby item here) in the basement you could have borrowed.   Now how was I to know she had a xx?  Maybe she thinks I have x-ray vision and can see into her basement.  So by her prolonging the silence, I figured she was just hurting herself because I'm not going to hang onto this stuff if she can't even ask me for it - so I'm planning on selling/giving it away.  I've heard through the grapevine that she's already bought a bunch of new stuff including clothes and to quote her "...Seriously DO NOT need anymore baby clothes!! at this rate, I'm gonna have to change her outfits 4 times a day so she wears everything"  ok, then - note taken nothing from me needed. 
A few weeks ago, T asks me if I received an invite to a shower that was being thrown for her because his mother had gotten one.  It was being hosted by SIL's sister - who I have met a few times.  I had not gotten an invite - must have gotten lost in the mail :) ?  Speed up to yesterday - T and I and the babies were planning on driving to Trenton to buy our weekly milk from Halo Farms.  He had told his parents earlier in the week and they acted like they wanted to come with us for our family outing.  So, around 9am, we were out the door and over at his parents house to pick them up.  When only my FIL came out, we were wondering where MIL was and was told that she had some things to get done at the house - laundry or something.  Later in the evening, I learned that the shower for SIL was that day (yesterday).  So not only was I not invited, I was lied to by T's family.  I'm not quite sure why, do they think I'm too fragile to handle not being invited?  I really don't care and it's easier this way - I don't have to spend any money buying her things that she should already have.  Who knows... T said something earlier today like 'they (meaning his parents) think that this is her family's way of getting back at you for what happened around the baptism.'  Seriously?  I did end up learning that my other SIL was indeed invited and I was purposely left out and when her sister was asked at the party (about me) her response was something along the lines of 'it's my party and I can do what I want to!'
All that said, I guess I am a little hurt that this whole thing is still going on, but I've learned a valuable lesson about T's family and where I stand with them.  Without getting into another long tangent, this situation reminds me of what happened at my wedding.  My sister made a comment that offended SIL and SIL went whining to MIL about it and had to hear all about how it hurt her feelings, blah blah blah literally 2 days after the wedding.  Now here we are, with the reverse situation - her sister purposely left me out of something and nothing gets said to her about it.  T talked to his mother about it, but she just changed the subject and wouldn't address it.  
Once again, she wins, I lose.  Seems like a common theme.

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